Prestadude
05-04-2008, 01:04 AM
Aptera Motors Threatened With Lawsuit
By Robert Iocatio, Faux News
Carlsbad – A consortium of companies manufacturing aftermarket accessories for automobiles have threatened Aptera Motors with legal action fearing a significant loss of business if the Aptera Type-1 becomes popular. Spokesman for the consortium, John C. Whitney, explained that the design and construction of the Aptera makes many aftermarket accessories unnecessary or incompatible with the vehicle. “I can give you a good example” stated Mr. Whitney. “Over 5 billion dollars worth of hanging air fresheners are sold in the U.S. every year. The Aptera does not have a rear view mirror. Where are you supposed to hang the air freshener? If Aptera sales take off this will definitely spoil our freshener business and that is why we are considering legal action.”
Faux News contacted other members of the consortium. Jack D’Impala is executive sales manager for Chrome On Chrome, a manufacturer of parts popular with a group of automobile enthusiasts know as “lowriders”. “How in the world are you supposed to see spinner mags on an Aptera? Those dumb aerodynamic fairings get in the way. Twenty six inch rims are popular these days, especially when coupled with a joystick-operated full-hydraulic suspension. I don’t see how we can fit that in a Type-1.” D’Impala also stated that “We want to design a 6” chrome chain steering wheel and a purple fur dashboard cover for the Aptera but so far they have ignored our requests for vehicle dimensions. It’s almost as if they don’t want to talk to us.”
Particularly vociferous is Arday Hangoon, CEO of Bull Balls Consolidated whose company manufactures replicas of bull scrotums/testicles that are hung from the suspension of vehicles. “Those SOB’s at Aptera covered the entire bottom of their car with some BS aerodynamic surface. Now where are you supposed to put your balls when you get an Aptera?” Hangoon described how his company was going to fight back. “We are in the process of designing aerodynamic bull balls for the Aptera. We don’t have any of that fancy fluid modeling software, so I sent out the entire bull ball design team to find fast bulls. I figure that fast bulls are fast because they are aerodynamic and therefore their balls must be aerodynamic too. We plan on taking a plaster cast of those and using them as the basis for the Aptera model. Testing of the casting procedure has not gone well but as soon as the engineer in charge of that program gets out of the hospital, I am confident we can make the procedure work.”
Aptera Motors declined to comment on the threatened lawsuit although Emily Mizutani of Aptera client relations appeared to be giggling on the telephone.
By Robert Iocatio, Faux News
Carlsbad – A consortium of companies manufacturing aftermarket accessories for automobiles have threatened Aptera Motors with legal action fearing a significant loss of business if the Aptera Type-1 becomes popular. Spokesman for the consortium, John C. Whitney, explained that the design and construction of the Aptera makes many aftermarket accessories unnecessary or incompatible with the vehicle. “I can give you a good example” stated Mr. Whitney. “Over 5 billion dollars worth of hanging air fresheners are sold in the U.S. every year. The Aptera does not have a rear view mirror. Where are you supposed to hang the air freshener? If Aptera sales take off this will definitely spoil our freshener business and that is why we are considering legal action.”
Faux News contacted other members of the consortium. Jack D’Impala is executive sales manager for Chrome On Chrome, a manufacturer of parts popular with a group of automobile enthusiasts know as “lowriders”. “How in the world are you supposed to see spinner mags on an Aptera? Those dumb aerodynamic fairings get in the way. Twenty six inch rims are popular these days, especially when coupled with a joystick-operated full-hydraulic suspension. I don’t see how we can fit that in a Type-1.” D’Impala also stated that “We want to design a 6” chrome chain steering wheel and a purple fur dashboard cover for the Aptera but so far they have ignored our requests for vehicle dimensions. It’s almost as if they don’t want to talk to us.”
Particularly vociferous is Arday Hangoon, CEO of Bull Balls Consolidated whose company manufactures replicas of bull scrotums/testicles that are hung from the suspension of vehicles. “Those SOB’s at Aptera covered the entire bottom of their car with some BS aerodynamic surface. Now where are you supposed to put your balls when you get an Aptera?” Hangoon described how his company was going to fight back. “We are in the process of designing aerodynamic bull balls for the Aptera. We don’t have any of that fancy fluid modeling software, so I sent out the entire bull ball design team to find fast bulls. I figure that fast bulls are fast because they are aerodynamic and therefore their balls must be aerodynamic too. We plan on taking a plaster cast of those and using them as the basis for the Aptera model. Testing of the casting procedure has not gone well but as soon as the engineer in charge of that program gets out of the hospital, I am confident we can make the procedure work.”
Aptera Motors declined to comment on the threatened lawsuit although Emily Mizutani of Aptera client relations appeared to be giggling on the telephone.